Christians now Free to Sleep in Church

You can now catch some sleep in church without feeling like a pagan or facing the wrath of an angry usher!

This follows an agreement between all the protestant and the catholic churches in the world to make the much needed change that will see more people come to church.

In the new regulations that affect all Christians, churches will no longer condemn any person who decides to close their eyes in the presence of God, instead, only asking them to limit the amount of time they sleep depending on the part of the Sunday service which they choose to nap.

“People are having some tough times out there, and it is only fare that we allow them to sleep when they come to church.” Said Bishop Matthews. “There is no peace out there, and that is why people find it a good place to sleep in church.”

5 Recommended Sleeping Times

According to the communication that was sent to all churches worldwide, believers can take a nap during the five chosen periods during the service. The type of sleep for each moment include:

A siesta after the Holy Communion.
A mid-sized nap during intercessory.
Faking sleep when the offertory basket is passing.
Falling in a trance during the announcements.
Full sleep with snoring during the sermon.

Opposition

Some Christians have resisted the new regulations, pointing out the negative impacts of sleep that have been witnessed in the past. Men particularly remember the case of Adam who fell asleep in the presence of God and woke with one rib missing.

Even people with deadlocks remember Samson who also fell asleep and woke up bald. The youth group mentioned the case of Eutychus fell asleep and woke up dead, asking congregants to be careful while following the new directive.